I am in the final days before giving birth and the anticipation is killing me. In my efforts to try to find humor in waiting for baby to come and amongst my incredibly uncomfortable days, I have written the Top 10 Surprising “Bad Ideas” Days Before Giving Birth for your reading pleasure.
10. Whenever any friend or stranger asks “when is your baby due?” (for what seems like the bazillionth time) say: “Baby? I’m NOT pregnant!”
9. Doing “human log rolls” down a grassy hill with your other 3 kids.
8. Walking into Victoria’s Secret and telling the sales lady you are looking for some sexy thong underwear.
7. Texting your entire family “911” then following up with “psyche!”
6. Walk in a crowd of people with a water balloon hidden between your legs, smashing it in front of everyone and hold your belly and go “ooops!”
5. Jumping jacks
4. Make your first attempt ever in forming into a human pretzel.
3. Call everyone in your family every few hours “just to talk”
2. Cart wheels
1. Wake your husband in the middle of the night and say: “It’s time…(dramatic pause) … for a run for the boarder!” (Taco Bell)
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