This Mother's Day weekend was filled with much excitement and special moments. Vanessa received her First Communion on Saturday which went beautifully. But there were a few special moments I want to take a moment to reflect.
It is unbelievable to me that I am a mother of 3 beautiful children with a 4th on the way. God has blessed me with their lives and love. There isn't one day that I don't thank God for giving them to me. However, being a mom of a child with special needs, I experience challenges and moments that moms of typically developing children do not.
It took me over 2 years after Jack was diagnosed with Autism to even utter the words that he was living with Autism. I experienced a deep sense of grief for Jack and for the uncertainty of his future. At that time he was 2 years old and not speaking--he didn't even say "Mama" or "DaDa" let alone "Mommy" or "Daddy". We had no idea if he could overcome the challenges ahead.
Now, 3 years later, and many speech therapy and occupational therapy sessions and 3 years in specialized preschool programs, I am elated to report that he uses many words and speaks in full sentences. While he clearly has not caught up with his peers, he has made leaps and bounds from where he started 3 years ago and I am so very proud. Jack works very hard at school and in therapy to do what is asked of him and to use the words and skills that he learns in his everday life.
Amazingly, Jack reads at approximately a 2nd grade level, having little difficulty with words that Vanessa sometimes struggles to read. He loves books and can spend hours flipping through pages.
However, Jack still has bad days and struggles to cope when he is angry or frustrated. As a child living with Autism, he lacks the ability to calm himself down when angry or excited which is the reason his tantrums can be disturbing to witness and why they can last for agonizing periods of time. It takes an enormous amount of patience and compassion to help him through his meltdowns and tantrums, but make no mistake, he does not have them because he wants to or because he is misbehaving. He has them because he has reached a place he lacks the ability to cope.
These bad days leave me exausted and desperate (sometimes in tears) and searching for moments that remind me of why I love being a mom. Jack gave me one of those moments this past weekend and this is what I wanted to share.
Although quite frequent for most moms of typically developing children, Autistic children often do not express their feelings to their moms frequently or in the same way. Jack never brought me flowers or showed the desire to please me by sharing things with me that he thought I would enjoy. Most of his comments were directly related to his needs and interests and nothing other than self-serving. It's something I learned to accept as a result of his Autism, but I never stopped yearning for the day when he would think of my feelings.
For the last 3 years, Jack has made me Mother's Day gifts at school, but was never all that interested in giving them to me or in seeing my reaction to his hard work. I usually received the gifts by pulling them out of his backpack and trying to get him to tell me about what he had made with little success.
But this year, was different. I came to greet Jack off the bus after school, and he was so excited. He said: "Mom, I have a surprise for you" in that wonderful sing-songy voice kids do when they are excited and want to build anxiety. He couldn't even wait to get off the bus to reach into his backpack and hand me the gift he had so carefully made and wrapped. He was so excited that he couldn't wait for me to open it--he did it for me. With great pride and love, he handed me a beaded key chain that he had made along with a lovely card signed personally by my little boy. He gave me a hug as I rejoiced at not only his gift, but at the excitement he so clearly displayed. He was so very proud and happy that he made me happy. With tears in my eyes, we skipped into the house and I immediately put the key chain on my key ring and relished in my moment. A moment that I will cherish forever.
It is unbelievable to me that I am a mother of 3 beautiful children with a 4th on the way. God has blessed me with their lives and love. There isn't one day that I don't thank God for giving them to me. However, being a mom of a child with special needs, I experience challenges and moments that moms of typically developing children do not.
It took me over 2 years after Jack was diagnosed with Autism to even utter the words that he was living with Autism. I experienced a deep sense of grief for Jack and for the uncertainty of his future. At that time he was 2 years old and not speaking--he didn't even say "Mama" or "DaDa" let alone "Mommy" or "Daddy". We had no idea if he could overcome the challenges ahead.
Now, 3 years later, and many speech therapy and occupational therapy sessions and 3 years in specialized preschool programs, I am elated to report that he uses many words and speaks in full sentences. While he clearly has not caught up with his peers, he has made leaps and bounds from where he started 3 years ago and I am so very proud. Jack works very hard at school and in therapy to do what is asked of him and to use the words and skills that he learns in his everday life.
Amazingly, Jack reads at approximately a 2nd grade level, having little difficulty with words that Vanessa sometimes struggles to read. He loves books and can spend hours flipping through pages.
However, Jack still has bad days and struggles to cope when he is angry or frustrated. As a child living with Autism, he lacks the ability to calm himself down when angry or excited which is the reason his tantrums can be disturbing to witness and why they can last for agonizing periods of time. It takes an enormous amount of patience and compassion to help him through his meltdowns and tantrums, but make no mistake, he does not have them because he wants to or because he is misbehaving. He has them because he has reached a place he lacks the ability to cope.
These bad days leave me exausted and desperate (sometimes in tears) and searching for moments that remind me of why I love being a mom. Jack gave me one of those moments this past weekend and this is what I wanted to share.
Although quite frequent for most moms of typically developing children, Autistic children often do not express their feelings to their moms frequently or in the same way. Jack never brought me flowers or showed the desire to please me by sharing things with me that he thought I would enjoy. Most of his comments were directly related to his needs and interests and nothing other than self-serving. It's something I learned to accept as a result of his Autism, but I never stopped yearning for the day when he would think of my feelings.
For the last 3 years, Jack has made me Mother's Day gifts at school, but was never all that interested in giving them to me or in seeing my reaction to his hard work. I usually received the gifts by pulling them out of his backpack and trying to get him to tell me about what he had made with little success.
But this year, was different. I came to greet Jack off the bus after school, and he was so excited. He said: "Mom, I have a surprise for you" in that wonderful sing-songy voice kids do when they are excited and want to build anxiety. He couldn't even wait to get off the bus to reach into his backpack and hand me the gift he had so carefully made and wrapped. He was so excited that he couldn't wait for me to open it--he did it for me. With great pride and love, he handed me a beaded key chain that he had made along with a lovely card signed personally by my little boy. He gave me a hug as I rejoiced at not only his gift, but at the excitement he so clearly displayed. He was so very proud and happy that he made me happy. With tears in my eyes, we skipped into the house and I immediately put the key chain on my key ring and relished in my moment. A moment that I will cherish forever.
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